What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

What! how could you do that?

I’ve a dismissive avoidant partner who said that he’s overwhelmed by our relationship and that he wants to break up, how do I get him back?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

What do you mean son?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Why are American women so ugly nowadays?

Do you know what she said mum?

True - how I loved my mum!

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

Was Michael Jackson really an innocent person?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

What is your best forbidden sex story that felt so right?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

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“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”